He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Congratulations! We have a period
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