Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
