Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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