I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
