I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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