Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
