i jhust puked up my retainher.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
