Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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