Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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