Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
