I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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