Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
