I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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