the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
