My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
