oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
