I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
