i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
