Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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