HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
