she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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