Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
