Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
