if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
