I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just googled if crying burns calories
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
