If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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