You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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