no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
