Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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