i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
