but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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