Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
