conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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