Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She needs sedatives and a leash
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
