Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
