hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
