How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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