I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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