I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I touched a dick in church today
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
