I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
bring money and cleavage
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
