Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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