and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
