My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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