We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
