the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
