If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
