I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
