no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
