Got a toothbrush?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
