would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
